I have loved decorating this room for the Holidays and I’m not sure I’ll ever take it down. It’s complete with a six foot Christmas tree, two smaller trees on their end tables, a cozy fireplace, and Christmas pillows galore!

After about a half hour, it was getting dark. Cohen started nodding his head and was definitely ready for bed. I took Cohen from Colby and we headed up to his room to bed. I called for Trevin & Easton and told them to brush their teeth. As I went to lay Cohen in his bed he woke up and said, “Mama lay by me.” Lately hearing him call me “Mama” is my absolute favorite thing in the world. I have been called a number of different names from my kids but never “Mama.”

With all the boys in their beds, I laid next to Cohen. He was chatting and apparently didn’t want to go to sleep. I was contracting, my back hurt, and I was tired myself. I started to quietly sing some primary songs to him and rubbed his back. After a few minutes, he finally dozed off to sleep…

I laid in his bed with him for about thirty more minutes. For some reason my mind drifted off to my own childhood days. The sounds of the cars whistling by in the street below, the old home feel, the glimmer from the light across the street peeking in through the blinds, and the humidity in their room brought back all fond memories of living in Springville. As a little girl, I remember my bedroom looking and feeling exactly the way their room feels. I was reminded of looking out my window to the cars on the street below and the tall lights glowing over at Grant Elementary School. Summer days were spent irrigating with my grandparents, playing night games with the neighbor kids, and riding Grandma & Grandpa’s lawn mower with them, just like Cohen does with Colby.

I never once felt neglected, lonely, or unloved. I had the best childhood and remember nothing but fond memories. Our home was a place of happiness and comfort. I knew when I was at home with my parents that everything was ok. Last night, I wondered if this is how my own children feel. Do they love their life? Do they feel safe in their home? And do they ever feel neglected or less fortunate in any way?

I want nothing but the best for my children. I want home to be a place of comfort and happiness. I want my children to play in the grass, build forts, play in the dirt, jump on the trampoline, ride their bikes to the park, and enjoy being kids. Last night as I lay close by them while they were sleeping, I wondered what they were dreaming of. As a mother, I hope they were dreaming of a childhood exactly like mine.

Last night Trevin told me he was going to bear his testimony at church. I was slightly caught off guard knowing I hadn’t really encouraged this or ever asked him about it (because I wanted it to be his choice). He explained to me that his primary teacher had encouraged all her students to bear their testimony on Sunday. Knowing Trevin was considering this made me sort of sad because Colby is out of town. I wanted him to be there to see it, but also didn’t want to discourage Trevin from doing it. Honestly, I had been contemplating even attending sacrament with three kids alone. Looking back, I think this was part of the Lord’s way of telling me I needed to embrace the challenge and attend all three meetings.

I put the kids to bed last night and debated setting my alarm to get up for sacrament meeting. I knew I needed to but honestly, I just didn’t want to. I really wanted to watch a chick flick by myself and eat a banana creamie in silence (it had been one of those days). I went to the freezer only to find someone had eaten the last cherished creamie. Bummer. I sat on the couch, turned on the TV, and couldn’t get myself to pay attention to anything I was watching. After about ten minutes of pointless TV, I decided to head to bed (at 8:30). I set my alarm and said a prayer.

The alarm went off bright and early and I stubbornly went right back to bed. A few minutes later the snooze function on my phone kicked in and I was out of bed again. To the shower I went…

As I walked downstairs from the shower, I found Trevin pouring a bowl of cereal for his brothers. Trevin & Easton were both in their church suit with their shoes on as well. All three of them were eating cereal and getting ready by themselves for church. I was amazed! After breakfast, Trevin grabbed a set of scriptures for him and Easton and while sitting at our small table in the kitchen, he read from the Book of Mormon. That has never happened! My heart swelled as I stood in the bathroom listening to them quietly.

Sacrament meeting came and something was different in Trevin’s attitude. He usually can’t hold still for more than three minutes and his constantly asking for a snack. Today was different. He didn’t move a muscle and sat quietly the entire time. Towards the end of the meeting, he asked if there was enough time for him to share his testimony. I explained we only had a few minutes and it would depend on how long the current speaker took. With about six minutes left in sacrament meeting, I turned to see Trevin walking up the aisle. I suddenly got nervous and grabbed Cohen knowing him and Easton would want to see him.

Trevin walked right up to the pulpit without any fear and started his testimony:

“I like to bear my testimony. I know the church is true. I am grateful for my family and my primary teachers. I am grateful to be a member of the church and I am glad Briggs (Wright) could be baptized yesterday. I know Joseph Smith was a true Prophet. I love the scriptures and like reading the Book of Mormon. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

Tears filled my eyes. How could it possibly be, that my oldest son was old enough to bear his testimony without any help, with confidence, and with such a positive attitude? He didn’t rush his testimony or say what the last child had said. I truly believe he said what he meant and I felt the love he had for the gospel.

This past week has been a struggle with Colby being gone. While I haven’t complained to anyone, I miss having him here to help me with the boys. I’ve had a lot of struggles with Trevin and Easton especially and found myself wondering what I could do differently at home to help them educationally, spiritually, and also help them know how loved they are. Today helped me understand that although I still have things to work on as a mother, maybe, just maybe, I am doing something right as a mother.

The role of the mother is to nurture and care for her children, to teach them everyday, to listen and be there for her children, to assist in the duties of her husband by providing meals and making sure family dinner is a priority, and so on. I am sad to admit, but lately I have found myself raising my voice at my children more often than I probably should. I have become the type of mother who is running from place to place, who doesn’t pay enough attention to her children, and a mother who probably sets her priorities and wants above her children’s needs. Vicki said something yesterday that really stuck with me. She gave an example of a quote her grandmother used to say which is, “Don’t say NO to your children unless you have to.”

This saying struck me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes I feel like mother’s can get so caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle that we often say “No” to our children just because it’s easiest. “No” in a my personal mind means I don’t have to clean up a disaster after they get done playing with watercolors. “No” means I’m too busy to go play outside with you or watch and make sure you’re safe while you’re playing. “No” means I really just want to sit here and browse Instagram for a little while. “No” means you’re bothering me.

This week I am hoping to pay more attention to the priorities of my family and be attentive to my children more often than usual. I never make a homemade breakfast for my kids or Colby and tomorrow it’s happening. Tomorrow I am going to read books with my kids, get off my phone more, and hopefully play games with them while Colby is at Young Mens.

My kids and my husband are my world. I need to remember that. I need to cherish that.

I have decided to make it a goal to post each Sunday.

We recently sold our home (to an amazing family) and moved into another house here in Nephi. It’s about 100 years old and has amazing character! I was so excited to move into this new home, design it, and save a lot of money living here, but honestly, it’s been super stressful as well.

We sold most of our furniture with our old house and therefore moved into our new home with basically a mattress for everyone to sleep on. We didn’t have a kitchen table, a stove (for about a week), dressers for anyone, and numerous other things. I had a good attitude about it for about a week and then I started to get sick of nowhere to eat, dirty clothes mixed in with clean clothes, no appliances to cook meals, boxes everywhere, etc.

Thankfully this past week (about a month later) I am slowly starting to get furniture into the house. My boys have a dresser, we have a kitchen table with chairs to sit on, a couch, a stove, a working washer and dryer, and the boxes are slowly getting emptied. I still have a lot of organizing and decorating to do, but it’s slowly coming along. I am getting more and more excited about living in this home, making memories with my family, and designing a new home!

Life has been stressful and unorganized and I am starting to drive my family crazy. Or at least I think I am. Between organizing a house, refinishing a few pieces of furniture, working, being a mom, planning a baptism, and Cohen being sick, I felt like I was on my last straw. The last few nights Easton hasn’t been acting like himself again (read THIS POST if you don’t know what I’m talking about). He hasn’t been eating, he runs low grade fevers, and sleeps nearly 15-16 hours a day! Again, maybe it’s just a little virus or bacterial infection, but my mind gets racing again about the “what if” scenarios.

Tonight I gave him some Tylenol and a cold drink of water. We walked up to his bedroom and organized his blankets. “The soft one goes on the bottom with the BYU pillow on top. Then you put this blanket on top.” I tucked him into bed and kissed his cheek. I told him probably ten times how much I loved him and wished he wasn’t sick. The last time I said “I love you” he said, “I love you more.” I just needed to hear that simple phrase to make my entire week. Of course my eyes swelled up with tears as I replied, “I love you most.” I gave him his favorite blanket, turned down the lights, and said goodnight.

I walked down the stairs with tears in my eyes while saying a simple prayer in my heart hoping he would get better soon.

For the last hour I have been thinking again about how blessed my life is. Why does it take trials or sickness to make me realize my life is better than what it sometimes seems?

I work tomorrow at the hospital and Colby will take him to the Doctor. More testing to come I’m sure. Here’s to praying for my Little E and hoping he gets better soon!

About thirty minutes later while I was sitting at the table eating some cereal, my Mom called saying Mason (my sister’s little boy) was struggling to breathe and she was pretty concerned. I shoveled a few more spoonfuls of cereal in my mouth, didn’t even brush my teeth, grabbed my keys, and headed up to my sister’s house to check on him (without any shoes). Colby was home for another hour before going to work so I knew I had a few minutes to help. When I arrived, Mason was definitely struggling to breathe and his little belly proved it. He was retracting, wheezing, and coughing every once in a while. I told my mom he needed to see a doctor. I got in my van and drove back to my house to find our nebulizer. When I got back to Hilary’s house, my mom asked if I could just take Marlee home with me and she would take Mason to the hospital.

Sure. No big deal. Right? I grabbed Marlee’s bag of stuff and we headed back home.

The second I walked in the door I realized I had also agreed to watch my cute little neighbor boy for a few hours today. Marlee also had her first day of dancing today and I had to take Easton to pre-school! How in the world was I going to take Marlee to her first day of dancing and drop off Easton at pre-school at the same time? Would I take Marlee early and hope she didn’t scream or want me to stay? Should I ask my friend to take Easton to school? And on top of that, what was I going to do with Cohen and how was I going to be back fifteen minutes later to watch Titus? My mind raced and I figured out a plan. I would take Easton to Keisha’s house early, take Marlee to dancing while holding Cohen, change her shoes, pray she didn’t scream and want me to stay, and then race back home in time to watch Titus.

My plan almost worked out perfectly. Tim arrived at the hospital just in time for my Mom to come get Marlee. She was already dressed and had a small photo session (for Hilary). My Mom took Easton to Keisha’s on the way to taking Marlee to dancing. I was set. That was until I realized I hadn’t ordered my tomatoes for my canning session I had scheduled with Tana & Alisha tomorrow or ran over a check to Radonna like I told her I would. Run to the Corn Stand, order my tomatoes, took a check to Radonna, and made it back to see Natasha standing at my door with Titus. Lucky for me she was early so hopefully I didn’t make her late…

After Natasha left, my eyes swelled with tears. I was more than happy to help everyone who needed it, but the day I had planned for myself quickly was not the day I had hoped it would be.

Titus and Cohen played like they had been best friends forever and I was lucky enough to get some tomatoes canned before Colby picked Trevin and Easton up from school. The boys were excited as they walked through the door drinking some small sodas Colby had bought for them. They told me a few highlights of their day and then Trevin said, “Mom can we have a special dinner tonight?” Special dinner? I wasn’t sure what he meant, but decided I would do my best. My day had been full of things to do and service to provide that it made me excited to do something exciting for my children. With no plan in place, I threw some chicken in the crock pot and told them to grab some paper and markers. Party hats seemed like something “special” for dinner.

Trevin, Easton, and I sat at our kitchen table for well over an hour while Cohen took a nap. We designed party hats complete with a crumpled napkin top. The boys put a shiny yellow table cloth on the table, the party hats as the center piece, and set the table with orange napkins at Easton’s request. It was the perfect setting in my eyes and the boys were beyond excited! I took a picture of the party hats the boys had made and sent it to Colby. I explained we would be having a “special dinner” at 7:00 tonight for family night.

After the table was set and the party hats made, I had envisioned what I wanted tonight to be like…all of us gathered around the kitchen table, visiting, laughing, and enjoying dinner together. When dinner time arrived, the boys couldn’t wait to eat. They started before Colby and me and were finished eating and off playing in their room about five minutes later. I fed Cohen some rice while Colby made his plate. Cohen finished eating and Colby and I sat down together and ate dinner without the oldest boys. We talked for a minute about how our day was and what tomorrows plans were. Trevin came and wanted a picture of Colby and me in our party hats and off to their room they went again.

My day didn’t go as planned and neither did my dream dinner. However, my heart was full of gratitude and love. I was grateful for the opportunity to serve my sister and my neighbor. I had enjoyed the afternoon with my boys coloring, talking, and planning a dinner they had hoped for. While cleaning up dinner, I enjoyed listening to the boys laugh with Colby in their room as he built them a train track. My heart was full.

While checking Facebook a few minutes ago, Natasha had posted a Mormon Message titled You Never Know. This video totally reflected how I was feeling today. Perfectly. Sometimes in life it’s hard to recognize all the good things we do. We plan our schedules and life happens. We don’t get things done and we get upset because our “to do list” wasn’t completed like we hoped it would be. However, the Lord realizes we are trying our best and as a mother, sometimes that means realizing it’s okay to stay in our pajamas all day baking, cleaning, and being a mother. Or sometimes it’s helping others when the call to serve comes our way.

http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=3792885561001

…if only I could have made those cookies! Tomorrow it’s on my list of things to do!

Along with a few other things.

*While I was in the middle of this blog post I had to walk into Trevin & Easton’s room and remind them it was bedtime. After already telling them twice to calm down and go to bed, a few minutes later I hear Easton screaming. Trevin had thrown a toy at him and gave him a bloody nose. Just a little side note to remind myself of things that happened today.