Last night Trevin told me he was going to bear his testimony at church. I was slightly caught off guard knowing I hadn’t really encouraged this or ever asked him about it (because I wanted it to be his choice). He explained to me that his primary teacher had encouraged all her students to bear their testimony on Sunday. Knowing Trevin was considering this made me sort of sad because Colby is out of town. I wanted him to be there to see it, but also didn’t want to discourage Trevin from doing it. Honestly, I had been contemplating even attending sacrament with three kids alone. Looking back, I think this was part of the Lord’s way of telling me I needed to embrace the challenge and attend all three meetings.

I put the kids to bed last night and debated setting my alarm to get up for sacrament meeting. I knew I needed to but honestly, I just didn’t want to. I really wanted to watch a chick flick by myself and eat a banana creamie in silence (it had been one of those days). I went to the freezer only to find someone had eaten the last cherished creamie. Bummer. I sat on the couch, turned on the TV, and couldn’t get myself to pay attention to anything I was watching. After about ten minutes of pointless TV, I decided to head to bed (at 8:30). I set my alarm and said a prayer.

The alarm went off bright and early and I stubbornly went right back to bed. A few minutes later the snooze function on my phone kicked in and I was out of bed again. To the shower I went…

As I walked downstairs from the shower, I found Trevin pouring a bowl of cereal for his brothers. Trevin & Easton were both in their church suit with their shoes on as well. All three of them were eating cereal and getting ready by themselves for church. I was amazed! After breakfast, Trevin grabbed a set of scriptures for him and Easton and while sitting at our small table in the kitchen, he read from the Book of Mormon. That has never happened! My heart swelled as I stood in the bathroom listening to them quietly.

Sacrament meeting came and something was different in Trevin’s attitude. He usually can’t hold still for more than three minutes and his constantly asking for a snack. Today was different. He didn’t move a muscle and sat quietly the entire time. Towards the end of the meeting, he asked if there was enough time for him to share his testimony. I explained we only had a few minutes and it would depend on how long the current speaker took. With about six minutes left in sacrament meeting, I turned to see Trevin walking up the aisle. I suddenly got nervous and grabbed Cohen knowing him and Easton would want to see him.

Trevin walked right up to the pulpit without any fear and started his testimony:

“I like to bear my testimony. I know the church is true. I am grateful for my family and my primary teachers. I am grateful to be a member of the church and I am glad Briggs (Wright) could be baptized yesterday. I know Joseph Smith was a true Prophet. I love the scriptures and like reading the Book of Mormon. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

Tears filled my eyes. How could it possibly be, that my oldest son was old enough to bear his testimony without any help, with confidence, and with such a positive attitude? He didn’t rush his testimony or say what the last child had said. I truly believe he said what he meant and I felt the love he had for the gospel.

This past week has been a struggle with Colby being gone. While I haven’t complained to anyone, I miss having him here to help me with the boys. I’ve had a lot of struggles with Trevin and Easton especially and found myself wondering what I could do differently at home to help them educationally, spiritually, and also help them know how loved they are. Today helped me understand that although I still have things to work on as a mother, maybe, just maybe, I am doing something right as a mother.

We got to the church, took our pictures, and went into the church to wait for everyone to arrive. My Dad arrived with my Grandpa Ralph and we took a few pictures with him as well. While I was in the waiting room, I looked up to see my Grandma Giacomo walk into the room with my mom. I held back some tears as I stood to hug my sweet Grandma. I was told her and my Grandpa weren’t going to be able to make it because Grandpa had some stents placed just a few days prior to the baptism. I was thrilled, surprised, and grateful to see her there. Trevin greeted her with a hug and told her thanks for coming.

Trevin was baptized with another little girl from our ward. Her grandma gave the sweetest talk on baptism and wrote Trevin a note. She brought both of them up to stand by her at the end and genuinely hugged them and told them how proud she was they had made the decision to be baptized. Trevin was baptized first. I’ll never forget the feeling I felt when Colby and him stepped into the font. The spirit was so strong! Colby was somewhat emotional while baptizing Trevin and I think that made it even more special to see the love he felt for his son. My Dad and Trevin’s Uncle Riley were the witnesses.

Trevin’s other Uncle Jordan gave a great talk on the Holy Ghost. Trevin loves Jordan and wanted him to speak. Trevin was confirmed by Colby. It was such a neat experience to see so many priesthood holders stand in the circle. If I remember right there were a total of 12 people. At the end of the service, Brother Palmer spoke. His talk made me realize just how many people were there supporting Trevin that day. Brother Palmer told a story about his own personal baptism and how there were only 6 people at his baptism. He didn’t have the support of his family. We are blessed with the best families! Hopefully Trevin will realize how much he is loved and cared for!

Before his baptism, my mom was kind enough to find him a suit (as well as a matching one for Easton). I was slacking and didn’t realize how much I had to get done before his baptism and my mom helped me out a ton! She drive all the way to Salt Lake to pick up parts of his suit, only to find out they were huge, and drove back up north to exchange them for a smaller size. She also hemmed Easton’s sleeves on his suit. She’s amazing!

Throughout the week, I couldn’t wrap my head around having a son old enough to be baptized. I can still remember when I found out I was pregnant. That day seems like it wasn’t long ago. Now he’s eight, going into second grade soon, and turning into such a wonderful boy. Trevin helps me with his younger brother’s, loves to organize and pick up his toys, and appears to be a good friend to those he comes in contact with. One of my favorite things is watching him sing the primary songs on Sunday. Since we’ve recently moved, I don’t get to see him in primary anymore and I miss that time.

In the afternoon, we had a small luncheon at our house and played water kick ball! Trevin had requested to play water kick ball after his baptism and I was determined to make it happen! Kaydon was a huge help coming over yesterday morning and helped us set all of that up before the baptism. All the kids (and even some adults) played in the water. It was so much fun!

Today he was able to be recognized as the newest member of the church. The Bishop asked him to come sit on the stand with the bishopric members during sacrament meeting. I enjoyed watching him sit so reverent. He looked so much older dressed in his little suit and tie (just like his dad he says). I love him so very much and I am deeply honored to be his mother. Trevin will always be my little boy and the person who made me a mother for the first time! He brightens my day and makes me want to be a better mother.

I love you Trevin! Always and Forever my baby you’ll be.

(Pictures and a small video to come soon. My computer is having issues uploading.)

I suddenly realized it would be cute to have Cohen be one of the “Lost Boys” and searched for a skunk costume. Miraculously, my sister-in-laws friend had the cutest skunk costume and said we could borrow it! I was thrilled!

Three costumes. Three Hours. Done.

Some days these two can fight like they are enemies and other days they love each other to no end. Today they loved each other.

…and I loved watching them!

Tonight I begged Colby to let me capture their wrestling on video. He hates pictures and especially videos, but tonight he let it slide. And I’m so glad he did.

You can watch the video HERE

You can view a small video I put together HERE with assistance from my sister-in-law Tana for shooting some of the footage for us!

Fast forward to this week:

Cohen was diagnosed with pink eye in both eyes, Trevin has been coughing his guts out (so he stayed home from school today), and Easton continues to have nose bleeds, a low grade fever, and just acts like he doesn’t feel completely himself. I was the only one who attended church on Sunday because of the illness that has been spreading throughout our family this week. Trevin seemed better yesterday and went to school. We kept Easton home. The coughing started up again last night around 6:00. I gave the boys some medicine and sent them to bed. Around midnight Cohen woke up. Colby rocked him back to sleep and came back to bed. We could hear the other two in their beds coughing off and on. My mind raced. I drifted back to sleep. Around 4:30 Cohen started crying again. I got out of bed, grabbed the thermometer, some Tylenol, and made him a bottle. He had a low grade fever, but appeared to be relaxed and comforted in my arms. As I held him for a moment, I couldn’t stop staring at him. After a few minutes I gave him the Tylenol and fed him some of his bottle. He didn’t eat much before drifting off to sleep again.

Before heading back to bed, I noticed the lamp was on in Trevin & Easton’s room with the door cracked open. I had a strong feeling to check on Easton. As I walked over to his bed, I noticed he was laying on his back with a long piece of toilet paper draped over his face. His pillow was covered in blood and he has blood down his neck and all over his lips. I tried to wipe it clean the best I could without waking him. I burst into tears. Why didn’t he come get me? Why does a little three year old boy have to deal with being comfortable cleaning up his own bloody noses? Why does this keep happening? To make matters worse, I noticed his nose had been bleeding out both sides this time and he was actually gurgling blood in the back of his throat (gross I know, but it’s the truth). After turning him on his side and making sure his nose had stopped bleeding, I cleaned his face the best I could, took the tissue, repositioned him comfortably in bed, and walked back into my room with tears in my eyes.

It hit me like a ton of bricks that tomorrow I should probably call Dr. Rosenbeck and make an appointment for Easton. I quietly woke Colby up and told him about Easton. I prayed that I might be comforted and be able to get some sleep without “over analyzing” the situation at hand.

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Today came.

After getting the boys their favorite bowl of cereal (Waffle Crisp) and making sure Cohen was okay, I texted Dr. Rosenbeck about Easton asking if he thought he needed to be seen. He suggested we should definitely draw a CBC to see what his platelet count, etc was. The day began with the boys all at home. I thought about showering and getting ready but somehow I couldn’t get myself to do that. The laundry was started, dishes cleaned, and the boys were watching some morning cartoons. While making my morning rounds around the house and picking up here and there, I walked into the boys bathroom to find a bloody mess there as well! The sink was covered in blood, the waste basket full of bloody tissues, and the toilet had a few drops of blood as well. It was clear to me that Easton had definitely been up during the night and tried his best to stop his bloody nose without waking anyone.

Throughout the day, the boys struggled listening to me, made some pretty big messes, and woke Cohen up three times. Cohen was miserable and wanted to be held all day long, Easton and Trevin played pretty well together, but were extremely wild. My house became a disaster despite my efforts to clean up as much as I could. That shower I had planned to take this afternoon never happened. Dinner was actually in the oven, but the kitchen was a huge mess. My Relief Society Presidency showed up (I forgot they were coming today) and I was still in my PJ’s with crying/wild kids. We talked for a few minutes and then I apologized for forgetting they were coming and having them see us/my house the way it was.

The second they left, I called Colby and began to cry asking him to PLEASE COME HOME. I couldn’t take it any longer.

The oven beeped and dinner was ready. Almost. I pulled the Chicken Roll Ups out of the oven and set them on top of the stove. I started a burner to hurry and make the sauce. Because I was in a hurry and holding Cohen, I turned on the wrong burner. Before realizing my mistake, the Chicken Roll Ups were burned on the bottom and the sauce was still cold. Again, the flood of tears came rolling down my face…

Colby walked in the door a few seconds later and saw me crying. The boys said they were sorry for making me cry and for not listening today. I did my best to try to ease their pain and explain I was just stressed and burned the dinner. I hugged them both, told them I loved them, provided them the unburned part of the pan for dinner, and walked into my room and broke down in front of Colby.

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I realized there is nothing better than being a mother to three of the sweetest boys in the world. I came to the conclusion that no matter what the CBC shows on Easton tomorrow, I can’t change it. I am praying for good news, but clearly my mind had been thinking the worst throughout the day. The rest of the night, I found myself looking at my children differently.

These things make my heart swell with gratitude and happiness:

The way Trevin tries to comfort Cohen when he is sad. Easton’s giggle. The way Cohen smiles and kicks his feet when he sees me walk towards him. The way Cohen fits so perfectly in my arms when I am holding him. When Easton say’s “I love you this much” with his arms stretched all the way towards his back. Or when he say’s “I love you Mom…to the the moon and stars and back.” When Trevin writes little letters to Colby and Me with his cute Kindergarten handwriting and misspelled words. When Easton pops popcorn and uses the “magic button” on the microwave that pops the popcorn perfect every time. I love them. All of them. Including my amazing husband. To the moon and stars and back. And back again.

Tonight I wore my emotions on my sleeve and let my thoughts get the best of me. I was thinking the worst for Easton without even knowing the results of his blood test. However, I am beyond grateful I had these thoughts and emotions overcome me. I looked at my life differently. I realized for a few hours, whats really important in my life. I noticed the little things in my kids that I tend to forget in the busy life we live. Instead of worrying about a messy kitchen from dinner, I popped popcorn and watched a movie with them. I held them tighter and loved them longer. I had more patience. I really, enjoyed the moment instated of just being there. And for that I am grateful.

Trevin and Easton were beyond excited to help me with Cohen’s bath. Trevin gathered the soap, washcloth, and the soft brush while Easton picked out his pajamas. With four extra hands helping me bathe Cohen, it seemed a little stressful, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I could see the excitement on the boys’ face being able to help as well as finally have their brother home.

By the end of the bath, Easton was really tired and drifted off to sleep on the couch. Colby took him to bed and tucked him in for the night. Trevin explained that he needed to sleep in our room so that he could help Cohen if he woke up in the night. After talking to Trevin for about twenty minutes, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to convince him to sleep in his own bed. He said,  “Mom. You need your sleep too. I will wake up with Cohen so you can sleep in the night.” My heart melted. We laid some blankets on our bed and let him drift off to sleep there. He is bound and determined to be the best brother in the world!

On a more personal note, tonight I couldn’t be more grateful and thankful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with three beautiful healthy little boys. After seeing some family members go through some very hard times trying to have children of their own, I know I am extremely blessed to have the children I have and to be trusted in raising them/teaching them the way my Heavenly Father would want me to. They say three children is a HUGE challenge, yet I am excited for the challenges we will face. As far as tonight goes, life is wonderful, and I am extremely blessed with three instead of two!

We talked for a second longer about the plans for this weekend and a few other things. As I hung up the phone, I sat at the kitchen table watching my two boys eat their Mac & Cheese they had requested for lunch. Neither one of them was too interested in eating (as usual) and so I encouraged them to eat. A few more bites from each of them and that was it. Both of them left their plates 3/4 full of food and ran off to their room. They were too eager to go play trains, pirates, or whatever else their little minds could imagine.

……flash back to Saturday night…….

Trevin and Easton had piled every single blanket, pillow, stuffed animal, and any soft toy they could find at the bottom of the stairs. My linen closet was left completely empty, their beds bare, and the couches without pillows. Trevin explained to Easton the door that lead to the basement needed to stay closed at all times so the pile would stay full. At first it was just a place for the two of them to lay on and then a few minutes later, it turned into much more than just a quiet place to play.

Trevin sat on about the fourth step from the top of the stairs thinking to himself. It wasn’t thirty seconds later he said to Easton, “I know what we should call it…The Water Hole!” I was confused by the name at first and then realized they had been watching their new favorite movie The Smurfs all day long (the Water Hole came from the movie and the Smurfs jump in the magic Water Hole in order to transport to different worlds). Trevin stands up and immediately jumps in the air, does a karate move, and lands in the pile of softness at the bottom of the stairs.

My heart almost jumped out of my chest as I ran to see if he was ok! He laid at the bottom of the stairs laughing and said, “Did you see that Mom?”

Eventually Easton got brave and started jumping into The Water Hole himself! 

The night was full of twists, tricks, giggles, and fun for my two boys. I decided to let them play and enjoy the moment hoping they wouldn’t hit their head or miss the blankets completely. They enjoyed showing me their tricks and free falling into The Water Hole like the little Smurfs do on the movie. As a mother, this was one of those moments when the life of raising two little boys can be wild! My anxiety was building as I thought more and more about their safety.

Eventually I made them pick up The Water Hole and was actually very mad at how many blankets and towels I had to refold, beds that had to be remade, and pillows that had to be replaced. I couldn’t believe the amount of “stuff” that was at the bottom of the stairs. I got upset and went into my room. I sat there thinking to myself about my life and my family. I came to the realization that this is how my life is going to be and that I needed to embrace it with happiness no matter how wild it may get. My boys are my life and this is what boys do. They wrestle, fight (and get over it), tackle each other, burp, pee on the toilet (and leave the seat up), and make messes that drive me mad. However, they make me laugh, tell me they love me constantly, they enjoy the small things life has to offer, and love each other as well. They are the reason I get up every morning.

They are my life! And one things for sure…..I really do love the life of raising two little boys!

(Please disregard the grainy, blurry pictures. Lighting was terrible, kids jumping and moving everywhere, and I was too lazy to get out my flash)